Have you ever felt too guilty to admit that a change in your life that you chose, wanted, and even prayed for, is hard? I know I’ve been there before; scared, exhausted, and also alone because I didn’t want to admit that transition was hard. If you’ve been there, or if you’re there right now, you'll want to keep reading.
Change and transition, whether we like it or not, is part of life. As much as we would, at times, like things to stay exactly the same, change is simply inevitable. While change is out of our control, transition is often something we chose for varying reasons. Sometimes we are forced, more or less, to transition because of an exterior circumstance. But other times, transition is something we choose to do because we believe that the change we are making will somehow benefit our lives or the lives of those around us. Transition is important when it comes to living a vibrant life. It is impossible to grow and become the person God created us to be if there is no change happening in or around our lives.
Regardless of the reason for the shift, transition is hard for two main reasons. The first reason is that all transition forces us into a new situation that is not what we are used to. We like the known. Newness tends to be quite uncomfortable for most of us. It’s outside of our comfort zones and it stretches us in ways we may have never been stretched before. These things are not necessarily bad. In fact, oftentimes, these moments of stretching are very good for us! But that doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t feel good to us in the moment and that it is hard.
The second reason transition is difficult is that when we leave one thing to pursue another thing, there is inevitable loss. Even when the new thing is a significant improvement to the prior, loss is still felt. You can’t step into something new without also leaving something else behind. So when transition feels extra hard, remember that you are not only being stretched in the new, but also going through a grieving period for what’s been left behind.
I have witnessed, both in my own life, and in the lives of those around me, a belief that, if the outcome of the transition is good, positive, and beneficial, that the transition must also be good, easy, and enjoyable. After all, the change through transition is something we, ourselves chose right? Have you ever asked someone, whom you knew was going through a big change, how they are doing and they tell you they are doing great? So then you comment with empathy on how the transition must be a lot for them right now but they quickly respond with, "Oh, but it's all good change though"? Or have you ever been the person that said that?
When I had my first baby, I was over the moon excited. I had always imagined having kids. The positive on that pregnancy test had me jumping up and down with excitement! When she was born, I fell so hard in love that my heart literally ached inside my chest. We brought her home and she was so tiny and precious. I had just quit my full time job a week before going into labor in anticipation of becoming a full time mom. As I settled into this new life, the transition hit me, and it hit me hard. I was not used to waking up multiple times in the night and I was exhausted. I felt very overwhelmed and incompetent as a new mom and I was scared. I was home a lot more of my day and I was lonely. I wasn’t working anymore and I felt the loss of purpose and achievement that I had felt in my job. I also felt the loss of freedom. It seemed like my husband and I never got any quality time together anymore. We felt tied down.
When people would ask me how I was doing, I wouldn’t dare to mention any of these feelings of overwhelm and loss. I felt like, if I told them what was going on inside my heart and head, they would see me as ungrateful for my daughter. They would shake their heads in disbelief and say, “didn’t you want this?!”. And most of all, I myself felt incredible guilt for having all these emotions because I felt like they made me a bad mother. Many days I felt like I was drowning, but I wouldn’t pick up the phone to call anyone because of the shame I felt.
What I would tell my new mom self if I could magically go back, and what I want to tell you, is that it’s okay for the change to be good but the transition to be hard, all at the same time. When the transition is hard, it doesn’t mean that the decision was a bad one. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t excited for the change. It certainly doesn’t mean that you are a bad person for struggling with it. You can be both over the moon about the change AND find the transition very difficult. They don’t cancel each other out. So next time you are struggling through a transitional period, don’t do it alone. Let people in on your struggles. A weight is always a little lighter when we don’t have to carry it alone.
Have you ever told someone you were good during a transition when you weren’t? If so, what was your reason for covering up the struggle? Leave me a comment, I’d love to know.
If you want a head start in your journey to becoming the person God created you to be, I’ve made some printable journal pages that are yours for free! You can click here to download those and use them each morning to really start your day off right!
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