Have you ever felt shame around beauty? Do you deal with low self-esteem? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? I’m going to share some of my own story about these struggles. So keep reading and see if any of my story resonates with you!
Isn’t it a beautiful thing how God can take your deepest insecurities and transform the way you see them, turning them into something powerful you can use to better others’ lives? That’s exactly what He’s been doing in my life. All those areas of my life that I was most insecure about, felt the most shame about, hid the deepest, those are now the catalyst for the passion He has put inside me to help others change the way they view themselves.
Growing up, I felt like the ugly duckling. I’d like to say that, just as in the story of the ugly duckling, I grew up and became a beautiful swan, but that certainly wasn’t how my story went. I only became more and more self-conscious about my appearance as I aged.
I grew up believing that beauty was vanity. It was something you ought never to pursue and, heaven forbid you had some of it, you needed it figuratively beaten out of you. I was to focus solely on what we called, “inward beauty” which was good and righteous. I was rarely told that I was physically beautiful. If someone did say that I was beautiful, someone else was always there to quickly chime in, “inward beauty is what matters”. I internalized all of this to mean that I was ugly. And because I believed I was ugly, I saw ugly in the mirror.
As I went through puberty and became a teenager, the message became, “your body is evil and causes men to stumble and sin”. I was ashamed of it, taught to cover it and hide it. I ultimately started to sincerely hate my body. It felt unbearable to have to lug around such a sinful, ugly thing when what my heart longed for was to reflect Christ. But I couldn’t reflect Him, I believed, because I was a woman.
Despite all the work that went into trying to teach me not to become vain, physical appearance was nearly all I thought about. I was so self-conscious about my appearance that it consumed me. So much for not thinking about my looks all the time.
I remember being at a ski retreat when I was about 15. A group of us, all dear friends, stayed in a chalet in the French Alpes where I grew up. It was a fun time, but I missed most of it. While everyone was hanging out in the evenings, all I could think about was if everyone else was thinking how ugly I looked. I became so anxious about it, that I’d go up to my room where there was a sink and mirror to stressfully shift hair here and there, lean in close to stare at imperfections, and full out glare at myself in the mirror. And then I’d stay up there a while, debating even going back down because I just wanted to hide. By the fourteenth time I’d gone up and done this, my roommate, who was reading a book on her bed, asked if I was okay. Shame ripped through me because I knew I was not supposed to care about my looks and she’d caught me red handed. Meekfully, I grinned and lied that I was fine and headed back downstairs, my face flushed with embarrassment.
I carried that same shame through college and into my adult life. The shame of the fact that I cared about my appearance. The shame that my soul had to dwell in a sinful death trap for men. I became depressed under the weight of the burden of shame that I carried about my appearance. I became frustrated that I couldn’t force myself to stop caring. I beat myself up, telling myself of the shallow, vain human being I must be and tried my best to remind myself that it’s inner beauty that matters, and inner beauty alone. The problem is, it’s nearly impossible to have inner beauty when you hate yourself. But I didn’t know that at the time.
I missed so many opportunities because I lacked the self-confidence to go for them. I was blinded to so many people’s hurt and pain because my eyes were focused inward. That’s what low self-esteem tends to do. Just like vanity, it keeps our focus on us. In fact, it’s just the other side of the same coin. Vanity and low self-esteem, take your pick. Both will keep you from truly seeing others and loving others the way Jesus intended us to. While vanity makes us the center and throws God out of the center where He belongs, low self-esteem dismisses God and calls Him a liar. You don’t believe me? Low self-esteem takes something He made, you, someone He died for, you, and decides it has no worth or value. God says quite differently. He says what He made is good, He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He chose to give Himself for you because He sees incredible value and worth in you.
Does any of my story resonate with you? If you’re listening to this, my guess is, it does. Maybe you heard different messages growing up than I did. You may not have arrived in the place that you are the same way I did or with exactly the same beliefs that I had. But you struggle with low self-esteem and body image. I’m here to tell you that you are not alone and that there is hope. The answer isn’t in plastic surgery or botox or lip filler, the answer is a profound mindset change. The answer is in beginning to see yourself the way God, your Creator, sees you. And when He looks at you my friend, He sees beauty.
It is my passion for every woman and girl to know their worth and recognize their own perfectly unique beauty, feeling confident in their own skin!
What are some of the messages you’ve been told about beauty? Leave me a comment, I’d love to know!
If you are interested in leaning in more into understanding how you are uniquely and wonderfully made, I’ve made a quick style quiz that you can download for free and take! It’s a helpful tool to begin to understand your personal style type and how you stand out. You can download it here.
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