Money can be a tricky relationship. When we think of money being an idol, we often think of the pursuit of money or spending too much of it. But I believe the opposite can be an idol as well. I’m going to share a personal story of my own struggles in this area. I hope my story will be both challenging and encouraging to you!
My story may be similar to yours or it may, on the outside look very different, even polar opposite to yours. But I believe that you’ll find, at the heart of it, there’s more similarities than are at first apparent. Like many things, you can have two sides of the same coin.
I grew up idolizing money. Not in the way you’d typically think of though. I wasn’t living a life in pursuit of making more money, of spending on anything and everything I set our eyes on. I wasn’t living the life of luxury, buying high end finishes and cashmere sweaters. But boy, money was a huge idol for me. You see, I idolized NOT spending money and saving it all. Maybe it was for the comfort of knowing it was there. Maybe it was for the self-righteousness I felt when I deprived myself and others of good things. Money was more important than a person’s comfort. Money was more important than expressing someone’s worth. Money was more important than making memories. Maybe it was out of guilt. Maybe it was out of very low self-worth.
Fast forward a bit. For years, I got extremely upset at my husband whenever he would spend money on me. I hated when he bought me gifts. “What a WASTE of money” I would exclaim angrily. I hated it when he wanted to take me out to a “nice” restaurant. “Why would we spend our money on THAT?” I’d demand. I chose to idolize money over my marriage. I chose to idolize money over my own self worth. I was completely convinced that I was not worth spending money on and that saving the money was a much better use of it. I felt extreme guilt anytime money had to be spent on me and I struggled miserably to even spend money on necessities like food and soap and toilet paper to take care of my family. I had an incredibly unhealthy relationship with money and idolized it above everything and everyone else.
Over the last few years of my life, God has been showing me my profound worth and how much He LAVISHES me in love and grace and gifts and blessings from Him. My husband’s heart has always been to lavish me in love as well, and that’s a beautiful reflection of God’s heart. I started to realize that, not only was I not willing to allow my husband to spend money on me and show me value in that way, but I had not been willing to accept God’s lavish gifts on me either. My self worth was so low, I couldn’t receive any of it. I lived with very low self worth. I thought that low self-worth equaled meekness and meekness is godly. But here’s what I’ve learned: Meekness is not seeing yourself as worthless, meekness is knowing where your worth comes from. We cannot live as though we are worthless without calling God a liar. God put incredible value on us when He sent His only Son to die for us.
As I allow God to heal my heart, I also am learning to allow others to express their love for me and my value to them. It’s hard, because I still struggle with feeling like the money that was spent on me is more valuable than I am, and it makes me cringe sometimes. But I’m also learning to have a healthy relationship with money. Money is not an idol, it’s simply a tool. A tool to buy those things we need to live, yes, but also a tool to lavish love on others, a tool to express how important someone is to us, a tool to help another, a tool to express God’s love, and a tool to build incredible memories with a spouse or children or friends. We absolutely need to be wise, but we also need to remember that PEOPLE are the priority. When we are blessed with money it is never meant to be kept for ourselves only. It is always so that we can, in turn, bless others.
Money is meant to be a tool. When it becomes our focus, either in pursuit or saving, it becomes an idol in our lives. Money is not bad, in fact, it’s very useful! But it must stay in its place.
Have you idolized money? If so, how have you changed your relationship to make it healthier? Leave me a comment, I’d love to know!
If you want a head start in your journey to becoming the person God created you to be, I’ve made some printable journal prompt pages that are yours for free! You can click here to get those! Download them and use them each morning to really set your day off right!
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